Prologue
January, 2017, I received a very disturbing letter from Guy. He had just flown out to Denver from Portland to spend Christmas with, me, Mike and Gramma Shorty. We had a fabulous time at Christmas, exchanged thoughtful gifts and he even made me a homemade Christmas card, which he knows I love!
December 23, 2016
He left, flew back home to Portland and on January 3rd of 2017 I received the email from him that made me cringe. It was filled with self loathing for himself and serious hatred for me. To this day, I don’t know what brought that on and he never spoke to me again except to text “Farewell Mother.” Here is our text history until the day he died….
1/3/17
Me: We really need to talk Guy. I want and need to understand what I have done.
Me: I love you. You are a part of me. Even if you can’t understand that, it’s okay. I’m sorry if I have hurt you in some way. I wish I could read minds but I can’t. I really thought you had a good time here. Tried to do what I thought you liked. I only do what you express to me. If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I don’t know what to do. What changed?
Me: I can’t believe it was all just an act. I really need to talk to you.
1/4/16
Guy: Farewell Mother
Me: Why?
Me: You tell me in your email I know why but I seriously have no clue. You have to realize, we just spent what I considered a great Christmas weekend together. You seemed happy too. You asked to go the the Tailgate, so we did. Watched Gotham, movies and had an escape room adventure. We decorated the tree together. Hugged each other…and now this? I don’t get it. I deserve to know what made you switch so fast.
Me: You are always saying get your facts straight so I’m listening. I love you, Guy, will always be here for you.
Me: I’m really worried for you honey. I think you need help to work out some of these feelings.
1/29/17
Me: There are two sides to every story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. I’m ready to listen. I love you, Guy.
2/2/17
Me: Would you please call me?
2/3/17
Me: Grandma and Daddy Mike send their love. Please don’t punish them too…love you.
2/4/17
Me: Heard about all the crashes in Portland from freezing rain. Are you guys safe?
2/8/17
All you have to do is say ok or fine. Please Guy, for whatever wrongs you believe I’ve done, I did a lot of good too.
2/12/17
Me: Really miss hearing your voice. I love and miss you, guy. I hope all is good for you.
2/14/17
Me: Happy Valentine’s Day, Guy! Know you are loved!
2/19/17
Me: Miss you. Did you ever get in trouble and not know why?
2/25/17
Me: I hope you like your shirt, I saw it and thought of you. I think of you a LOT! Love you, Guy.
3/4/17
Me: I will always be here for you.
3/9/17
Me: Thinking of you, came across that video of you trying on your first Christmas outfit from last March and laughed my ass off!
3/12/17
Me: I never stop thinking about you and Lilly. I hope you are happy. I love you both so much. There’s not enough love in this world to turn any away. You will always have mine.
3/14/17
Me: Whazzup?
3/18/17
Me: Hope you had a fun St. Patrick’s Day since you didn’t have to work. Missing you tons!
3/21/17
Me: Walking in Downtown Denver and remembering you in New York!
3/23/17
Me: You’re awesome…that’s all.
3/27/17
Me: Fist bump!
3/29/17
Me: Miss you…that’s all.
3/30/17
Me: 15 years ago today Mike and I got married!
4/1/17
Me: Please call, Guy. We really need to talk.
4/4/17
Me: You are loved. You are worthy. You are awesome!
4/8/17
Me: I am awesome. Dragons are awesome, therefore I am a dragon. Saw that on a tshirt and thought of you! Sir Guy Awesome Dragon!
4/15/17
Me: I hope you have a great Easter, Guy. It is a great time of rebirth, renewal and forgiveness. I love and miss you so much. Always yours, Mom
4/19/17
Me: Grandma Shorty had knee surgery today. She will be in the hospital until Friday. She’s in a lot of pain. Would you please text her? It would make her so happy.
4/22/17
Me: Please contact Grandma. She did so much for you and Lilly. She has an incisioin that is over a foot long from the top of her knee to the middle of her shin! Thought you’d enjoy the description!
5/3/17
Me: Grandma doing better. She’s tough but not unbreakable! Giving herself shots in the stomach. On pain meds but eating better and getting around a little better. Will be a long recovery. Her birthday was on Sunday. She’s 73 now!
5/4/17
Me: Miss joking with you…
5/10/17
Me: Saw a silly joke…How do fish pay bills? With sand dollars! 😀 Love you, Guy!
Me: In spite of everything, Guy, I love you, admire you and want a relationship with you. I know I wasn’t perfect. I always encouraged your relationship with your dad and supported you 100%. I hope someday you can see past wha tis keeping us a part and realize I am one of your biggest fans. Miss you tons! Unconditionally yours, Mom.
5/11/17
My world ended when Guy killed himself. I didn’t even find out until the next day when my ex-husband’s sister called to tell me. No, my ex didn’t even do it himself. Pussy.
Parental Alienation is a real thing. It is actionable in the courts. It is the reason I no longer have a son.
Even knowing the story, I’m still left speechless over and over again. This was not fair… he is missed by so many. I hope people who need to read this, read this and take a step back. Love you guys!